apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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