my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
