No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
