I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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