Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
