your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
