At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize