Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
