Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
