I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
