So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
