guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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