I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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