you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
