A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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