omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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