You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
