I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just had sex on a roof
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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