i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i'm inner monologue high
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
