Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
