I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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