I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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