I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So. Much. Porn.
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