Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
