I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize