her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just high enough for therapy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
