can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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