Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i think i have two assholes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
