Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
