i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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