I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
