i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
