ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
