Do you still have your period?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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