A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
