Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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