I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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