You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
