He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
