i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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