Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
