By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
