I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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