you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize