you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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