sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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