you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize