My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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