He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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