my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
