did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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