i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
