Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
