i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
