i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this beer tastes like vomit already
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
