I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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